The Year

The end of 2008 is coming and I cannot even explain how much better this year has been. Comparing this to the years that have been lost this year has been a godsend. Everything has finally began to fall into place the way it should have done a long time ago.
Figuring out what I think I have been born to do has made a huge impact on me this year as I have changed drastically throughout this year and not just physically but defiantly mentally hugely. This year I have really opened my eyes a broadened my horizons and have started to make something of myself. This year couldn't of come at a better time.

The Resolutions

So as the year come draws to a close and to my birthday, its started to make me think of other peoples new year resolutions and what my own is going to be. When i think of resolutions though, they make me think of failure as most just go to waste even though it is a new year with a new start.
Even though I don't really believe in the value of new years resolutions I've been thinking about this for a few weeks now and still can't decide as I will probably end up not keeping it. The main one is to probably grow heart instead of having a little black heart that can't feel anything or just maybe some feelings would be nice.

The Holidays

Holiday season is a huge part of the current year for most people, for my mum, sister and myself, it's pretty much another time to remind us of the lack of family we have because of my father. Because of that they have adopted the position of the Grinch and therefore want nothing to do with any of the Christmas traditions.
I hate how it never snows in our city. It just doesn't seem right having a thirty degree Christmas day at the beach. I can't wait for the days where I have Christmas in a cottage in Surry with it snowing. I also love how there are always Christmas movies on TV and how you always feel like watching home alone. Christmas really makes you feel welcomed.

The Realization

Things begin to start looking up but then begin to go back downhill, happens every time. Just little things and big things too. A lot of things just creeping back up from my past. Things I wanted to forget for good, things that I didn't want to have to explain to new friends, but eventually you're just going to have to.
Realising that all you want to do is leave this place to get away is hard, because you need money to do so. The focus now is the future and ignore all the things that have gone on in the past. I've decided I'm going to have a clean slate and start again and go for what i want.

The Finish Line

This year has gone so quickly, it's actually unbelievable. It still feels like yesterday, when I was going into orientation for year seven, not going to orientation for year twelve. I keep saying to my friends I could imagine myself in year nine or year eight but never year twelve, I never really imagined myself all grown up. The thought of growing doesn't exactly scare me like most people, it's just something to look forward to. To be all out on your own.
Finally finding what I feel like I am meant to do with my life and my purpose is the one thing that concerns me the most. This time next year I will hopefully be able to for fill my aspirations and dreams and finally do what i want to do with my life. That's what excites me the most, this is now my motivation.

The Vain

It's really starting to get me down how many people are so concerned with looks and I've recently just realised how vain most people are now. Everyone has this focus on picture perfect, when there is no such thing. I love the fact that some people have no care in the world and the last thing they would think about is what they look like. I wish most people (mostly girls) had the courage to do that.
Appearance wrecks everything. So many people aren't friends with other people just because of what they look like not for the person they actually are, which isn't the way it's meant to be.
People should be accepted for who they are, not for what they look like and I'm done with people so concerned with their looks or others. There are more important things to think about other than the definition of beauty.

The Right

Just thinking about the way I want everything to pan out and how everyone just says, "think positive". I just don't understand how thinking a good way can get you what you want, I'd rather the harsh truth than that.
The truth can kind of be like a bad accident or maybe a deer in the headlights. It's shocking and maybe even too harsh then you thought, but what would you rather? False hope, or harsh realisation?
There's that feeling you have in your chest when you know something is right, even though that feeling makes you feel kind of sick. i love that feeling, must be the feeling of hope or something along those lines.
If only that feeling could last.

The Hardworker

The people you hate are the ones that just get it easy, the ones that don't have to do anything to get what/who they want. With exams coming up, those certain people will just breeze through without a worry (not even studying or trying) but then the workers will be disappointed.
With that the result of next year comes along, wondering whether to even bother with your aspirations or not. Then the thinking of the consequences come in and the list of pros and cons, what are you going to do now?
Those decisions will just have to be made soon.

The Situation

I can't help but think, if this moment right now is going to carry on, nothings going to change and that has to be my worst fear. The fear of nothing changing, everything being the same and i'm not talking groundhog day no change.

As you get older you just wake up, make your way to the boring dead end office job, do the same routine everyday. I couldn't think of anything worse. Now it feels like it's just getting harder and harder to achieve your goals and dreams, because everyone expects so much of you.

I'm sick of it, trying and trying and getting nothing out of it and just getting worse. Lets just hope that it can't get any worse.